Steve

Three days before I wrote the blog on "Death" below, unknown to me, my high school and college friend, Steve Nish passed away of cancer. Rest easy Steve.

Death

How's that for a cheery topic? I'll do you one better. All of us will die someday. People do not die in order. Have you ever thought about how you will die or when? In my 68th year, for some unknown reason, those thoughts have been on my mind more and more. Also, the semi-humorous statement, "If I had known I was going to live so long, I'd have taken better care of myself" is not so semi-humorous any more, but has the ring of truth.

I don't know how long I'm going to live. I'd guess somewhere between four and 13 years. I really don't want to go too far into my 80's. Not much good happens after 80. On the bright side, I know a couple who are both 92 (my Dad's age if he were alive, but he died 14 years ago), and they do most of the things I do, except sleep more. They claim not to remember as much as they used to, but that is actually another commonality.

I am not afraid to die, but I am afraid of how I will die. Will it hurt? Probably. Getting into and going out of this life are not easy. The middle part can be rather painful too. It would be kind of nice to have something that takes me quick, but not too quick. I'd like to say good-by to my wife, children and grandchildren. A few friends too. Maybe I'd be good enough to take a farewell tour. I just read that singer Glen Campbell has Alzheimer's and is doing a farewell tour. That sounds like fun. I wouldn't even need to sing. Maybe I could still go to London.

Lingering just bit bit would give one a chance to make apologies to those you feel guilty about offending. Maybe I could find Dorine, the girl dow the street who I mooned when I was young, stupid and didn't know any better. I could apologize. Dad never said, "Don't moon the girl down the street." Of course, I am assuming she was offended.

Maybe I could apologize to my wife for all the stupid times I started an argument or said something stupid when I was old enough to know better. A friend was talking about marriage the other day and said (get ready for profound), "It's okay to be wrong, even when you are right." In other words, in the marriage relationship, one does not have to win every argument (or discussion as we call them at our house). So what does that have to do with death? If you try to win every argument, er, discussion, with your spouse, death could be instantaneous!

Well, I hope to be around for awhile. I hope when I die, that I go to a good place. When people narrowly escape death, they often say, "It's is better than the alternative." I'm not so sure. I've never heard that anyone came back and complained about the other side. Mark Twain said sarcastically, "Heaven for climate, Hell for company." I actually think most of us are pretty good and will have climate and company. I grew up with an adult friend of the family who was a drug addict and did all kinds of awful things. But he was kind, listened to me a lot when I need a listener. He went through hell in life, but did some redeeming things too. If I do go to Heaven, I hope he's there. I just hope it's not too soon, and, when my time comes, I hope it doesn't hurt too bad.

Dad

My Dad died in 1997, but, of course, I still remember him and things he taught me. Much of who I am is a result of his ideals. Here are a few. I may add more as my memory kicks in.

"Be honest."

"You can never have too many friends."

"Treat everyone with respect."

"If you get in a fight, hit the other guy  first in the nose and the fight will be over."

"The person you may dislike today may be able to help you tomorrow."

"Respect women and treat them well."

"Never take advantage of a woman."

"Don't try to make the last dollar. Leave that for some other guy."

"When you work, make sure you are worth what they pay you."

The last one is my favorite:
"Brenda is a very attractive woman."

Although I never hit anyone in the nose (in one case I was bleeding too much to hit back!), Dad's philosophy guided my life. If all sons had a dad like mine the world would be a much better place!

Thanks Dad!

The Book of Mormon musical

I have hesitated to make any comment about Broadway's Book of Mormon musical which will probably win a Tony in a few days. As a fan of Broadway musicals, this is one I won't be seeing. From what I have read, The Book of Mormon musical parodies the adventures of two Mormon missionaries in Africa. For the record, I am including a comment from Michael Otterson, a Church spokesperson, about what Mormons have really been doing in Africa in the last few years. For those who believe this is just another way of spreading the word for Mormons, this work has often been done in cooperation with Catholic Social Services and Islamic Relief Services. At the end, is a brief comment on the show by a Jewish reviewer. I will let these comments speak for themselves.

I quote:

Somewhere I read that the show’s creators spent seven years writing and producing “The Book of Mormon” musical. As I reflected on all that time spent parodying this particular target, I also wondered what was really going on with Mormons in Africa during those same seven years.

So I checked.

•The World Health Organization estimates that 884 million people worldwide don’t have access to clean water. This is a huge problem in Africa, not only because of water-borne diseases but because kids who spend hours each day walking to and from the nearest well to fill old gasoline cans with water cannot attend school. According to church records, in the past seven years, more than four million Africans in 17 countries have gained access to clean drinking water through Mormon humanitarian efforts to sink or rehabilitate boreholes.

•More than 34,000 physically handicapped African kids now have wheelchairs through the same Mormon-sponsored humanitarian program. To see a legless child whose knuckles have become calloused through walking on his hands lifted into a wheelchair may be the best way to fully understand the liberation this brings.

•Millions of children, meanwhile, have now been vaccinated against killer diseases like measles as the church has sponsored or assisted with projects in 22 African countries.

•More than 126,000 Africans have had their sight restored or improved through Mormon partnership with African eye care professionals in providing training, equipment and supplies.

•Another 52,000 Africans have been trained to help newborns who otherwise would never take a first breath. Training in neonatal resuscitation has also been a big project for Mormons in Africa.

•Then, of course, there is the tragedy of AIDS. A couple of weeks ago I attended a dinner where the Utah AIDS Foundation honored James O. Mason, former United States Assistant Secretary of Health. When he was working for the Center for Disease Control in 1984, a project to research the epidemiology and treatment of AIDS was established at the Hospital Mama Yempo in Kinshasha, Zaire. After visiting the hospital and examining the children and adults with AIDS, Mason described the death rate and the associated infections from AIDS as “horrific.” Mason, a Mormon, knows quite a bit about AIDS and a great deal about Africa.

•None of this includes responses to multiple disasters, like the flooding in Niger, where the Church provided clothing, quits and hygiene items to 20,000 people in six inundated regions of the country.

Of course, parody isn’t reality, and it’s the very distortion that makes it appealing and often funny. The danger is not when people laugh but when they take it seriously – if they leave a theater believing that Mormons really do live in some kind of a surreal world of self-deception and illusion.

A couple of weeks ago a review about the musical appeared at the New York Times from a Jewish writer who simply listed himself as Levi. “As someone of Jewish faith,” he began, “I take personal offense at this show….I cannot believe that New York, MY New York, where I was born and raised, would ever do such a thing. Shame on you, New York Times, shame on Broadway, and shame on all of us who stand idly by and do nothing while the faith of others is mocked. Religious and cultural Jews need not support such bigotry.”

Richard

My friend Richard just lost his wife after 61 years of marriage. Richard is a unique fellow because it seems he has broken just about every bone in his body at one time or another. He hobbles around has best he can. For the last 30 years or more, he has taken care of his wife, Colleen, who had severe diabetes. She should have had her foot amputated many, many years ago, but refused to let the doctors do it. I think she wanted to be a whole, complete person. She probably should have died many years ago also, but was determined to live. With total commitment, Richard helped her every day, wrapping her foot and taking care of other needs. They found joy in the small things and did the best they could to find happiness given their condition.

In the mean time, Richard did the best he could to offer service to others, even helping neighbors move. If someone needed something and Richard could do it, he was there. For a number of years, he called me on my birthday and sang "Happy Birthday." The quality wasn't operatic, but there was no doubt about the kindness and sincerity behind the message.

Richard and Colleen always seemed happy. Anyone who met them would be greeted with a smile and a firm handshake. The difficulties of their lives did not show in their countenance. They were always glad to see and be seen. The goal was to make the day better for any they encountered.

Those who have been married 1, 5, 10, 20 or even 40 years cannot understand the devotion and depth of love that comes after 60 years. Richard misses Colleen in a way most of the rest of us can't comprehend. But he has this belief that in the future they will be together forever. If anyone could be, it will be Richard and Coleen. And he won't have to bandage her foot.