We choose friends, we discipline our children, we decide on a career. Each of these eliminates other choices we could make. Each of us has to make judgments. We do it all the time, every day of our lives. I grew up under the tutelage of two parents (fortunately) and have raised three children of my own. As my parents made mistakes, so did I. I tried to improve on their efforts, but made plenty mistakes of my own. Someone once said that each parent damages their own children. Since we as people are imperfect, I don’t doubt that. But there is a difference between sincere judgment and condemnation.
Like most, I have worked in a number of environments and have been evaluated a number of times. Occasionally, I have been judged as the be all end all employee, but most often I have been considered as one of the group who does well and, at times, as the person my superior would most like to transfer out. My performance never changed much, but the way I was perceived was dependent on the point of view of my superior.
Like most, I have had superiors who made me feel like an ant. I have been attacked in staff meetings by individuals who wanted to embarrass and condemn. I once worked for a principal who would go into the classroom and openly criticize teachers in front of students. I was not exempt from his rants. As one is confronted by a parent when growing up, or a superior in the workplace, how one is judged or condemned says a lot about who does the judging.
I have been approached in private, with respect, about how I could improve my performance. This leaves room for growth.
As we all make judgments, it is important that the recipients of the judgment be criticized and not condemned. Condemnation indicates that the person is valueless and has no viable future. It says to another that they have no worth and cannot redeem past deficiencies nor improve.
Judgment and criticism, painful though they may be, leave room for progress. No one deserves to be condemned. A friend of mine is in prison. One might say he has been condemned, but he has used his incarcerated experience to grow, improve and set goals. Even in prison, he has had that opportunity. Whether he achieves or not remains to be seen, but his future can be bright. Condemnation takes away all hope of value and improvement.
It is important to give people encouragement to do better. It is the proverbial breath of fresh air. It preserves relationships and gives the great gift of hope.
